Comments on: I want to tell you about the situation currently going on in my life.

By: Dr. M

Dr. M — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 22:40:51 +0000

Pretty much on the same page here…

Enough is Enough. Free yourself from the burden of him. Stop fooling yourself with the “dream” of what could be and realize what IS. Move on and find a man that’s on the same level as you. Imagine what it will be like to lift the heavy burden of his immaturity and selfishness. You can love someone from a distance, and with people like this you have to. Your children deserve a better example of what love really is. What stability is… What staying off drugs is…

Almost always in these situations it’s a cycle in your life of trying to fix someone that reflects some trauma in your past. I suggest getting some counseling to sort your feelings out and stop yourself from victim mode.

Just stop convincing yourself of the what if’s. It’s not going to happen. He’s an addict. Sever the ties and if he’s sober for at least 5 years and changes and comes back, then you can decide. But I wouldn’t buy the false hope. Don’t even talk to him unless he’s already DONE changing. a few weeks, months, even a year isn’t enough to mean anything.

Stay strong.

By: tamtam

tamtam — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 16:45:23 +0000

Listen dear I think the same I mean he is not going to change unless he wants to I am not going thpough what u are but my brother was an addicted and he put himself into treatment and has been off meth for over 3 years but he still drinks and smokes weed so he still is an addicted. He has changed a little and he is starting to realize that he still has a prolbem with boose and pot. I try and be there for him but I have pulled away because if they know u are there than they know they can get away with it. Like your guy he knows no matter what he does u will take him back. U want to beleive I know but it is not going to happen unless he wants to change. I used to do everything for my brother buy him clothes, give him money, let him stay with meand my hubands and kids, support him calls at 4 am coming to get him 3 hrs away Like i idiot I did it be4cause I love him and always will but now I realized after 10 years that it was only hurting him. They need to realize that its there prolbem and no one can face it but themselves if they get in a tough spot just forget it them them work it out. They need to learn. I backed away and he is doing a little better. Off meth but still using other. But does have has own buisness. so good luck to u.

By: Domina

Domina — Fri, 29 May 2009 08:30:31 +0000

I feel sorry for you. You refuse to accept the fact the man is a loser. And if you continue as you have been, he is going to drag you down with him. You are a hard working woman. Have had 2 jobs at the same time. You don’t need a man like that in your life. You can do much better for yourself. All this effort you have been putting on trying to make the relationship work with him. Put that effort on being a good mother to your children. Having a guy like him around is a bad example. And the women I know that have put up with it live to regret it. Some end up with children who have drug problems. Where do you suppose the children picked up, the idea to escape to drugs every time things go wrong.? If not for your sake do it for your children. Have no further contact with this man. Ignore everything about him. Calls letters everything.

By: Karma

Karma — Thu, 28 May 2009 19:29:29 +0000

You need help too, you’re an addict too cuz you’re addicted to this loser.

Do you WANT to lose your child over this man?

By: spanxalot420

spanxalot420 — Mon, 25 May 2009 21:36:24 +0000

He’s an addict. They’ll blame anyone BUT themselves for their problems. It’s NOT YOU… its HIM.

What you need to see, is all this letting him in and out, isn’t just bad on you, it’s terrible on your kids. Sure, they may not be HIS kids, but if he’s the only male role model around them.. well, imagine what they’re seeing. What they’re hearing. And finally, what they will eventually do because their step-father does it and has set the example.

You don’t miss him, you miss the man he can’t be for you. And as sad as it is, he won’t change. Not till he hits his bottom and sees he NEEDS the change. Sweetie, for the good of your kids, as you can’t seem to do it for yourself,.. let this man go. Move on with your life, find a nice, stable, loving man. One who ISN’T on all these drugs. One who will love you, and your children enough to be there all the time, and not just when he isn’t on some binge.

I know it seems hard, but right now, you’re already doing it on your own. You don’t need him, his drugs, or his influence around to raise your children. So what’s the difference in telling him “No you can’t come back.” as he’s never there anyway?

You and your children deserve a better life, and you won’t have that until you get this man out of your lives. Hang in there girl, you’ll be ok.

Wishing you all the best of luck!

By: rkrell

rkrell — Mon, 25 May 2009 07:49:04 +0000

The man is an addict. He can not see his relationship with you in the same way as you do. He instead see’s the things he is addicted to as the most important things in his life. He sees his relationship with you as a safe place between times. Your only fault in this is that you enable him by constantly taking him back. You are doing both him and yourself a lot more harm than good by taking him back. You hurt him because he feels like he always has you no matter what he does. You hurt yourself because you are taking all, the responsibility for him on yourself and giving up your life. Until you decide that he must be responsible for his own life and you for yours then this cycle will continue. You are addicted to the idea that you can some how save him and change him. It isn’t about love so much as a refusal to fail at what you think should be possible. You need to accept that true happiness in your life can only occur once you get over your addiction for him and quit being that person in his life that picks up the pieces. You deserve better but that means letting him go and letting him take responsibility for his life and choices.

By: Belinda K

Belinda K — Fri, 22 May 2009 06:18:00 +0000

Change your number and move on. He is not worth all your trouble. You won’t be leading a good life with your kids if you keep on letting him back into your life. Step it up and let go.

By: sduhfuiefh

sduhfuiefh — Thu, 21 May 2009 17:06:48 +0000

im sorry but what the hell is wrong with you…women like you make me sick…you have children??!!?? and this is what you allow them to see? that you will take any kind of treatment and allow a man to abuse drugs but you need to stay with him because you LOOOOVVEEE him and miss him…please! this is wrong on so many levels…..think about your kids lady…this guy needs to shape up or ship out (although i highly doubt he will shape up) be a mother who puts her kids first for once instead of needing to have a man!

By: AnJi

AnJi — Wed, 20 May 2009 09:25:17 +0000

Please put yourself aside and think of this…

What benefit is he to your children?

Quit wasting your time on a man who has proven time and time again that he is not dependable and a GOOD, POSITIVE role model for your children!

Wake up – they are number 1.

By: Mrs.BeenThereTwice

Mrs.BeenThereTwice — Sun, 17 May 2009 02:29:37 +0000

He does it because you ALLOW him to do it–and he will continue to come back and forth as long as you continue to allow it. You need to have some self respect and get off that merry-go-round!!! You also need to live your life just for you and your children before getting into another relationship. You said you had a b/f, but you were married, and what you did wasn’t right either.

Sounds like a lot of bad decisions going on here, but only YOU can change that.

Good luck!