What should I do if I just found out my husband has a drug problem?

Serious Mandy
#1. May 21st, 2009, at 2:41 PM.

Possible he can change.. but not quickly. Id kick his ass and leave him.

soulful_kris
#2. May 24th, 2009, at 4:44 AM.

It’s going to be a hard road, but you need to help him. He’s an addict and always will be. But help him now, and decide later if you can or can’t be with him.

aznguy1077
#3. May 24th, 2009, at 11:25 AM.

Leave the druggie.

steveinprague
#4. May 27th, 2009, at 2:14 AM.

OMFG dump his ass!!!!!!!!!!!

Lyne B
#5. May 27th, 2009, at 6:37 PM.

just help him as much as you can.. it’s obviously a serious addiction.. and maybe some counselling would help…

he needs to remember that you and your little one are there.. and focus on that.. instead of the demons that make him do the drugs..

but if he keeps on doing this.. maybe you should move on… you have a child and you to think about…

sweendog67
#6. May 29th, 2009, at 12:32 PM.

Ask my wife…lol… She could of asked this same question a few years back…After several years of alcohol sobriety and a few back opperations, I turned to abusing drugs to keep pain free and remain working… That was the insane justifivcation that I used… Anyway, I went for treatment and got the help that I needed.. My pain is somthing that remains with me.. I tried to play the hero for a long time and live with the pain.. But there is no reason to play a maryter in my life. I am now a stay at home dad raising two kids while my wife works to provide extra cash and medical insurance.. With the help of her and a few doctors and good friends, I am able to take narcotic pain medication without abusing it… Sure it is possiable for him to change.. It requiers alot of work on his part and a lot of trust and love on your part.. My children were a big help in making me want to refrain from abusing medication and him coming clean is a good sign that he is willing to accept his disease.. This may sound sort of weird, but beleive me.. no addict really wants to be an addict.. I know how stupid this minght sound to a NORMAL person, but it is true.. Addiction is a very powerful demon…When we accept the demon is when we begin to defeat him.. Keeping him at bay is not so much a battle as it is a respect. The only thing we can’t do is drugs.. Sounds pretty simple… Like not parking on the wrong side of the road… Well anyway, Good Luck and if you need any help or would like to talk with my wife one on one than get in touch through my 360 page.. Good Luck and my prayers are with you..Billy

campojoe
#7. May 30th, 2009, at 2:29 AM.

Nasty drug. Prognosis is bad. You will suffer no matter the course you choose. Seek family advice and help from those who will support you.

Mistajohn
#8. May 30th, 2009, at 8:34 AM.

Give him a chance. Look for professional help. He has more chance if you support him. But it will be hard. Maybe the baby will turn him round. Be brave.

peopleschamp713
#9. June 1st, 2009, at 12:43 PM.

you should do the cocaine with him

Andrea A
#10. June 3rd, 2009, at 8:58 PM.

You could leave him. Or you can be there for him as his support system, but you also have to think of you and your baby’s best interest.

Ralley
#11. June 6th, 2009, at 2:26 AM.

If he is committed to changing, he can become a recovering drug addict. But it’s a hard road. And you should go to counseling as well.

lariat_sonata
#12. June 6th, 2009, at 6:52 PM.

Yes, but with a lot of help professionally. You must also get help in understanding the problem, and where it might bring you, and your unborn baby!!!

rachael
#13. June 7th, 2009, at 10:46 AM.

It’s always possible.. with the right help and the right support system…. but…. drug addictions can take over in a snap and you don’t want him to bring you down too. Be prepared to kick him out of the house if it continues.. otherwise….. he’ll go broke, start selling everything in the house, and you’re going to be the one left holding the broken pieces and a newborn…. Good luck

clcalifornia
#14. June 9th, 2009, at 1:56 PM.

oh boy that hurts big time.
Give him this chance and then move on.
Drug addiction overides love and family. I know from experience and working with people with addiction.

17 arrests is a great deal of arrests. You might need to chalk this up as a lesson hon and go start your life in a safe place for you and your child.

zoomzoomzoom
#15. June 11th, 2009, at 1:48 AM.

dump the drug addict before he sinks you to the poorhouse. once a druggie always a druggie.

it sucks but leave now and divorce him NOW.

dappersmom
#16. June 13th, 2009, at 11:00 AM.

It’s possible, just not likely. If you are planning to stay with him you need to educate yourself so you can recognize the signs, you need to keep your eyes open and you need to make sure you have a backup plan. You need to know where every penny is going (he can’t buy drugs if he doesn’t have money) and you need to make sure that you have the money to bail at anytime because you never know. You are pregnant and so you need to start moving your focus to what is good for your child and not the spoiled, selfish, drug using brat that you call a boyfriend.

º»Lauren«º
#17. June 14th, 2009, at 1:58 PM.

From my personal experience (both my father and brothers have drug addictions), the only thing you can do is support them. But keep in mind that they will only change if they truly want to, and even then sometimes temptation gives in. Its not going to be easy for you. You should try going to a couples therapy though. Because this wont be hard on just him, its going to be hard on you as well. And if he doesnt quit before your child is born, it will cause many problems for the child. Do you know if he was using when you conceived your child? If so, tell your doctor and have an amniocentisis or some other form of screening done to make sure that your child doesnt have any deformalities or neurological issues.

CaliMa
#18. June 15th, 2009, at 5:28 AM.

Its possible that he can change but he has to want to change he cant want help one day and then go on a cocaine binge for the next three days If hes sincere about beating this very strong addiction then stand by your man but do not become co dependent because then that makes it easier for him to have excuses as to why hes still doing it try to support him as long as hes getting help.

canibus
#19. June 17th, 2009, at 5:20 PM.

yes it is but it will be very hard 4 the both of u he may fall off the wagon a few times but if he wants to change he will. he has to make that choice. just be there 4 him he needs ur support very much right now good luck

mcnees79
#20. June 19th, 2009, at 7:43 PM.

He can change if he’s really trying. You know if he’s going to change or not, you, as a woman, have a gut feeling. Follow it. If you think he’s serious about kicking the habit, help him. Support him. Be with him, and most of all, be patient with him. If you don’t think he wants to do this, or if you think he’s only pretending to keep you from leaving, get out now. Don’t stay for the sake of the baby, it’s the worse thing you can do if he won’t get clean. Trust your gut, that is the best advice I can give you. Either way, good luck….you have a long road ahead of you!

reese27
#21. June 21st, 2009, at 7:52 PM.

Honestly I have a lot of family members caught up on drugs and it’s going get worse before it gets a lil better so I feel u may need to let it go for ur own sanity; You can’t save him it’s actually a disease!

install3579
#22. June 22nd, 2009, at 3:19 AM.

You should, at first, try to support him and make sure he keeps going for help. If you find out that he is not going or is still using than you need to explore your options. You need to be careful and not let this drag on for years you never know what drugs can do to a man’s way of thinking. Good luck

CiCI
#23. June 24th, 2009, at 6:26 AM.

It is possible for him to change just don’t expect it to be for you or the child. If he changes it has to be for him and his decision, Not because he was caught or thinks he has something to lose. If you ever hear the words. “I am sorry I’ll change for you and the baby I don’t want to lose you.” Beware that is the DRUGS talking not him. Sorry to be so blunt my son was 1 years old when I threw his dad out. I am much better off now and I don’t have to worry about my son growing up in an environment like that.
Children only know what they are taught.

EZY E
#24. June 26th, 2009, at 11:24 AM.

if you love him…give him a chance! But he will most likely do it again! It will never be out of his system….and it does get into sperm…hopefully everythings ok with your unborn child! Good Luck!

ally’smom
#25. June 29th, 2009, at 3:52 PM.

i was a heroin addict for 3.5 years shot up EVERYDAY 3-4 times a day. I went to a methadone program spent 9 months in I’ve been clean 15 months in all now. So yeah some do change BUT that some is VERY VERY FEW. Rehad has a horrible failure rate AA NA only have like a 10% success rate so keep that in mind. I still CRAVE all the time i still fight it i don’t know I’ll never go back. Make sure you Take CARE OF YOU! go TO MEETINGS 4 family support. Don’t try to FIX him it’s not your JOB. Don’t let him fall back on you that will only make it all to easy 4 him to screw up again. EDUCATE yourself about addiction AND THE ADDICT. Addict lie and hide using and are rather great at it. If your going to stick this out your in for a hard life. I’ve smoke crack in 100% honestey i’ld pick kicking that over heroin anyday crack is over rated.

Just me(a nice guy)
#26. June 30th, 2009, at 12:53 AM.

Good question!
I am in recovery and put my wife through the same and I can tell you this if he doesn’t quit, take care of yourself and your child, if you have to move out or kick him out. there is help for him in AA or NA if he chooses to follow there path. and you know if he is or not!
You can also get some help for yourself through al-anon or nar-anon, they teach you how to handle what your going through.
remember he has to do this for himself and no one else, and there is nothing you can do to make him use or stop
but if he doesn’t stop he must serve some consequences be for he will
Email me if you would like some more info!

mmmkay_us
#27. July 2nd, 2009, at 6:47 PM.

The tricky part of this is he has to want to quit himself.

NOT BECAUSE OF YOU OR YOUR BABY!

then a 12 step program will help him recover. it is critical that he quits because he has reach his bottom. it sounds like he is not there yet but I don’t know all the details.

addiction are very hard and it can not be in remission with out serious changes to the people he hangs with, the places he hangs out and the things in his life that are causing him to want to change how he feels.

whether he gets help or not you need to reach out to consulars in a 12 step program so you can learn about it and how you can protect yourself. Good luck to you. there are a lot of people who care and can help

God Bless You and Your Baby

firefighter*lovin*wife
#28. July 5th, 2009, at 2:49 PM.

It sounds like he knows he has a problem and wants the help. Keep him in the program. Get as much help as you can. But love him and stand by his side. Let him know that you are there, remember your marriage vows. . .for better or for worse. It could be worse in that he could not care about anyone else and not seek out help. He know he has a problem. Drugs are a nasty demon that consume lives. It’s going to be a tough road. Get him cleaned up so he can be there for that child. It will be the best awakening for him. It is possible for him to overcome his demon but it will be a lifelong battle. He needs to know you are by his side to get him through. It only take once to fall on the wagon. Get lots and lots of help, seek some counseling for yourself as well, so that you fully understand what he is going through.

I too am dealing with a family member doing cocaine. He has not yet realized that he needs help. We are working on getting him the help, but you can’t help a person who doesn’t want the help. Fortuantely for you, your husband is seeking help. However, he may need an inpatient rehab program if this research program doens’t work.

Best of luck with your family, I hope all turns out well.

ROSIE
#29. July 7th, 2009, at 9:10 AM.

IT’S EASY FOR PEOPLE TO TELL U TO LEAVE HIM BUT LOVE IS NOT THAT EASY. IF U TRULY LOVE THIS MAN HELP HIM HELP HIM SELF. HE SEEMS TO HAVE TAKEN THE FIRST STEP AND IS GETTING HELP. DON’T LEAVE HIM WHEN HE SEEMS TO BE TIRING THAT’S NOT FAR. FOR BETTER OR WORSE RIGHT? NOW IF THINGS ARE GETTING WORSE AND ARE NOT THE RIGHT THING FOR YOUR CHILD THEN U DO WHAT IS BEST FOR HIM OR HER WELL BEING. BEST OF LUCK TO U!

tiffany lover
#30. July 8th, 2009, at 3:29 PM.

thiss ur momment to prove that u love him or not ..if u do just think that he need ur help and he need that or u will leave him and death comes to take him.. its druges without the pepole whos cares about him ,he will go on in druges and the end u know what will be for him {he will be lucky if he didnot die …think and go on u will be mother soon and u dont want ur kid new that his father die in druges r live in that…

niffer’s mom
#31. July 10th, 2009, at 12:30 PM.

I had exactly the same problem!
Only mine decided to be a meth addict.
Thankfully, I found out before deciding to get pregnant.
I think that I may have had to inflict an end of life intervention on his behind. I can not imagine having a child through all of that. Would have been a better decision to go to jail in order to make certain that the maniac didn’t end up with any sort of unsupervised visitation.
Yup mine said he was going to an outpatient rehab deal too. He lied.
Knowing what I know now, I would not have stuck around for the three plus years it took for me to realize that the guy was a lost cause. It was severely devastating to me. It was like living with the corpse of a person who used to love you, and the corpse has been filled by a person who lives to get high and sees you as the only hindrance to their lifelong dream, and therefore hates you. Is disgusted by you. Resents you for the pain their inflicting on themselves.
I know now, that my marriage was not real. I entered it with the full intent of loving this guy forever, but he never loved me. If he did, he would never have smoked meth that first time, and then never have continued to cover it up, and lie about it for the remainder of the marriage.
That first inhale, that was the end of my marriage.
Drug addicts find ways to twist things in their own minds, and twist your confidence in your own beliefs.
I think if you really believe that he’s trying to quit, and will stay sober, then you both need to go to counseling. Over and above his outpatient rehab deal.
I also think that, unfortunately, you need to start looking at your marriage a whole lot differently. This guy is not going to sacrifice himself to take care of you, and your child. He’s proven, by his actions, that he intends to look out for #1 first and foremost. You can never trust him the same way again.
You need to set up your own bank account, establish your own income, split your monetary responsibilities so that he can’t spend his “half” on dope, get yourself a plan of escape for if and when it ever comes to the point that you need to leave, and then you can work on the rest of the relationship. Your first priority is going to have be your child, and that’s a reality that you just can’t leave up to somebody else’s broken promises, and what your husband MIGHT be able to do. I’m sure that his intentions are good right now, and that he isn’t lying right now, but you just don’t know whether he’ll ever do that crap again, and intentions won’t keep food on the table, or his drug addict “friends” from putting you and yours in harms way. You need to go on from here believing that you’ll have to support yourself, and your child by yourself, because up to now, that is what he’s proven to you. That he isn’t capable.
I wish you the best, I really feel for you, I hope that whatever you do, you will find happiness, love, and security for yourself and your baby.

Ontheotherhand
#32. July 10th, 2009, at 11:25 PM.

Your husband is being unfaithful. That usually means sexual- but it is also ANYTHING done, knowing that it hurts the marriage. Personally, I’d give him ONE chance. Get clean, and NEVER touch drugs again. Assuming he cleans up, great. But, if he EVER uses drugs again- boot him. Don’t tie yourself to a druggie, it’s a no-win effort. And, don’t just accept his word. I would require(as a condition of staying married) that he get drug tested ANY time YOU feel suspicious. If he trys to bargin, or objects, now or later- end it. Coke heads usually believe they can dabble with coke, and fool everybody. I’d want tests at random for a few years. Yes, it shows a lack of trust, but he’s already showed he isn’t trustworthy.

hopie
#33. July 11th, 2009, at 10:12 PM.

It’s possible for him to change, but he has to be willing to too put each step forwarded and want too. He has along road ahead of him, its not going to happen over night, but if he can stay away from the people or things that make him decide to do that than it will help him recover more. If you decide to stay, you are going to have to be there for him to help him concur this addiction, it going to be hard but with time and patience i think it can be done. and really he needs to find an inpatient treatment because going only every other day he is bound for slip-ups. Only he can make the change though. Goodluck.