I’m in a very difficult situation and I need some advice please?

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#1. August 25th, 2009, at 1:10 AM.

I really feel for you. I think you will need to find a therapist that specializes in his condition. I don’t think he knows how lucky he is to have you and your husband in his life. Good luck, best wishes.

sailboat
#2. August 27th, 2009, at 1:46 PM.

First, i commend you for taking in a troubled child!

he really does need counciling, try and find a really good child psych…

also i think you would benefit from a class or two for dealing with “difficult” kids… talk to the councilor at the school to see if he/she can help or can reccommend someone to help you….

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#3. August 28th, 2009, at 3:55 PM.

spank that kid

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#4. August 30th, 2009, at 1:39 AM.

Ok definitly counseling.but not the school guidance counseler who probabaly has a degree in elementary ed….a real dr. like a therapist. Do you have health insurance for him? Usually it will cover mental health as well, and u will only have to pay a small co pay for each visit. If there is no insurance than your gonna have to shell out the cash to pay for the visits. THeres no other answer. This kid needs some real deep therapy. He has probably been thru more than you know about. Considering his mother his an addict he probably has no real home training, and im assuming she hasnt taught him the rights from the wrongs, and basic values. Now its your job. Please dont give up on him yet. Let him be mute. Eventually he will talk. As long as he can hear whats being said thats all that matters. Make sure you are telling him that you love him as often as you can. Make him feel loved, because he probably never had that before. Do things with him, like play ball, take him to a movie, things that he probably never did before..just to show him that he is important and worth your time. But please get him into weekly therapy. You can change this kid and raise him to be an amazing upstanding man. Good Luckxox

biblical prophecy
#5. September 2nd, 2009, at 2:28 AM.

Just don’t give up on him. It may be years before he makes healthy progress but it sounds like he is going to need a lot of work to reverse the negative effects of his past. Set limits, demand he follows them. Give him positive feedback as often as possible. I wish you all the best, and even if he’s mute at the sessions, make sure he stills goes. It may take him a while to open up!

Good luck hun!

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#6. September 2nd, 2009, at 8:43 PM.

1. Resume the counseling. He’s harboring a lot of resentment and anger and it has to come out eventually.
2. Try to get him into some type of creative activity that will enable him to express himself.
3. Surround him with quality friends that are his own age and a little older. Chances are he’s not had good role models. Have him join a family-friendly club like Boy Scouts or Young Explorers or something at your church.
4. You and your husband should plan outings with him so he can see how a healthy family functions. Find out what he’s interested in and start there.
5. He needs to have responsibilities that provide a way for him to contribute to the household.
6. Don’t be too soft or pity the kid. Make sure he knows the house rules and suffers the appropriate punishment when he fails to abide, and REWARD HIM when he does well–even for the smallest little things (at first).
7. He undoubtedly feels dumped onto you. Make sure he feels that you are happy to have him there and that he is loved. Hug him. Say “I love you” often and “We’re happy to have you here as part of our family” and mean it! He will know if it’s just lip service.
8. If you think he’s ready, consider getting him a dog–something he’s responsible for, can bond with and can express loving emotions with. If the boy has a cruel streak, this won’t be good for the pup.

In a child’s mind, it takes ten instances of praise/positive reinforcement to overcome the emotional damage of a single negative statement.

May God give you the strength to positively impact this child’s life. Just remember: the child that seems most unlovable is the one who needs the most love.

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#7. September 4th, 2009, at 9:42 PM.

I would try counseling for him alone at first, allow a counselor to deal with his issues with a one on one approach..Then gradually you and your husband can join in. Give him space and time to deal with his issues. Good luck!

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#8. September 7th, 2009, at 5:39 PM.

You are very brave to get yourself and hour husband into this type of situation. The boy definitely needs counseling. He’s lost his dad and now his mom. He probably doesn’t really care what happens to him. Stick with counseling, he’ll eventually open up.
Spend a lot of time with him. You and your husband are now his parents. He needs to know that he can trust that you will be there for him and that you won’t give up on him. Involve him in some type of activity…baseball..etc.
Good luck to you.

#9. September 10th, 2009, at 5:15 AM.

Its unfortunate.
Sadly you may have gotten a case which is beyond you.

I think it is incumbent on you to lay down some ground rules. for his continued residence.
Let him know what is and is not acceptable behavior with the penalty being foster care where there will be no one who really cares.

In the mean time counseling is indicated and the he needs to talk.

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#10. September 12th, 2009, at 6:52 PM.

ok, Drake has a lot of unresolved anger issues and money issues, cause he knows what its like to starve and not have a dime.

Maybe he was punched around, that does not mean its acceptable.

The other part is everyone (the relatives) all yap about how his mother is incorrigible, yada yada yada, so maybe the kid is just thinking if they all think I am so bad I will be bad.

Time to set some major rules, like hands off everybody, you can’t go through life hitting people, you learn to talk, get him a journal, get him to counselling, make him accountable, he is 9 and he does know right from wrong. Make it abundantly clear stealing off people is unacceptable and hitting is unacceptable, the way you deal with life is you talk it out, if you can’t talk to me, then talk to someone else.

I would say if he is touching some kid, probably someone did something to him. You and your husband have a heart of gold, but its going to take some work, some counselling and thank god Drake has you guys. Best of luck.

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#11. September 15th, 2009, at 3:56 PM.

This is a very difficult and sensitive situation to deal with.. Continue going to the counseling. He may not respond right away, but it is normal. This child is going through many emotional feelings that he does not understand. Feeling neglected and unwanted and worthless is hard for a kid, and believe me, he is feeling this way….

Also start taking classes yourself in how to deal with these types of situations, and I also would suggest that you guys go to church and take him. Teach him about the Lord, and the love he has. Have faith and ask for strength. Things will get hard before they get better, but they will….

Good luck and God Bless!

poetry of the world
#12. September 16th, 2009, at 4:19 PM.

Bless your heart for taking him in! He needs a lot of loving care! Please do not give up on him! Try giving therapy another shot! Maybe just him & the therapist, your hubby & you can wait outside. I’ll pray everything turns out ok for you guys.

end of days
#13. September 17th, 2009, at 8:50 PM.

Ok I am a step mother to my 3 children and their mother seems to have a problem quite like “Drakes” mother…. and the oldest is a boy and makes it hard for me to love him but I think all that “Drake” is doing is seeing how far he can push the limits in your household first make rules and have consequences for his actions and BE FIRM with them! When he sees that he can no longer do this without being caught it will take the fun out of it for him and then he will be more likely to listen next time and calm down I do think that counseling is in his best interest at this point as well

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#14. September 19th, 2009, at 11:41 PM.

He is reacting to what he has been thru-make his lunches and still give him some money once in awhilw.He might miss his parents.As long as you are on a schedule he will get used to it.He needs lots of stablity in his life obviously he didnt get any with his parents.Take him to a therapist,a good one that you like and trust.its ok that he isnt talking now-that wont last forever,it sounds like he was molested and/or made to molest someone else.make sure you find out all information before you and your husband have a baby.good luck I hope it all works out,,,,,,,you and your husband should let him know that you wont put up with any stealing or bad behavior.I heard that priests and pastors are good counselors but im not sure how to find one that isnt a child molestor so if you have a priest that you trust that would be the best start

common folks
#15. September 23rd, 2009, at 11:08 AM.

This child has been abandoned by everyone but you. He has had to deal with things that no child should have to deal with. He has had to learn how to fend for himself in a lot of ways and has learned that lying and stealing is the way to make your way in life, the way to gain security. I have no doubt that his crack addict mother had no thought about shielding him from the violence and sexual promiscuity that goes along with this horrible addiction.

Okay, he definitely needs counseling. Find a good child psychologist, ask the school counselor for suggestions. A decent child psychologist will break through his silence and be able to help him. Obviously the last one wasn’t up to par. (psychologists are just like everyone else, there are good ones and there are jerk offs). However, make sure that you have a consistent and firm set of rules at home. If he breaks the rules, he gets consquences. Lying is huge, it shows disrespect for you and disrespect for himself. Stealing is worse. He is old enough to do chores to “pay back” the money he stole (or the items). He is old enough to comprehend that lying means no TV or video games for a month. Whatever you do, don’t let him get away with bad behaviour. He is savvy enough to know that if you let him get away with stuff, he will continue to test just how far he can go. So out your foot down now and start teaching him the values he has not been given thus far.

Also, keep in mind, his behaviour with his classmate is learned behaviour. This is the type of actions his has seen the adults around him engaging in. While he is old enough to be responsible for his actions, he doesn’t really know that this is not acceptable or why it isn’t.

And finally, most schools are set up so that you can put money on the student’s lunch account so that you don’t have to send money with them. This is just an FYI for you if the lunch packing gets to be a hassle.

You have taken on a huge responsibilty by taking in this child. It will be rough, but believe me, you can do it. Keep up the good work!

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#16. September 25th, 2009, at 8:22 AM.

Its not uncommon at all for kids who have been through a lot to have problems. The counseling seems almost a given as far as a need is concerned. As to him remaining mute he needs to be told he will cooperate. Some cities have programs for kids like this that is somewhat of a boot-camp that are aimed at motivating the kids to not want to go back there… might check to see whats available. He probably also needs some strong well defined fences to keep him on track. Better tracking and accountability of the money seems called for to be sure its not going into drugs. Warmest wishes and good luck.