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I’m in a very tough situation right now and I need some advice please?

? asked:

My 9 year old cousin (Drake) is currently living with my husband and I. His Mother (she’s my cousin to) is back in rehab for her crack cocaine addiction she was court ordered to give Drake up. His Father was shot and killed 4 years ago. The only other option was he either came to live with me or he went into foster care and I didn’t want him to go into foster care so I took him in. I’m only 24 years old and my husband is 29. No one else in my family would take my cousin because he’s known to get out of hand at times and to be honest, I really don’t think they care what happens to him.

I need some advice on a couple of things…. Every night before bed I get all of Drakes stuff together for school the next day. I put $4.00 in an envelope in his backpack for lunch. I leave at 5 am during the week for work and my husband puts Drake on the bus. I was doing laundry last night and I found $85 in Drakes pants. I asked him where he got the money from and he said his friend told him he could have it. I didn’t say anything else and when he went to bed I asked my husband what he thought about it and he said that he gives Drake $5.00 everyday for lunch because Drake asks him for lunch money. I told my husband that I already give him money. I’m assuming that this is the money he’s been making off of my husband so I took it. I have not spent it but I’m not going to give it back to him due to the fact that he’s been lying about needing money. I have also decided to start making him lunches so he doesn’t need money during the day. This is not the first time he has lied to us. He stole some of my fake jewelry about a month ago and sold it to another kid at the park. I got it back but he lied about the whole thing.

I received a phone call at work today and Drake allegedly touched a girls private area while playing and then proceeded to punch her in the face when she wouldn’t play along. He’s being suspended for 10 days starting tomorrow. I spoke to the school psychologist and he said Drake needs counseling for everything he’s been through. I agree but we already tried going to counseling and he was literally mute at every visit. How on earth do I handle this? Where do I go? Who do I talk to?

Thank you in advance for any advice.

treatment for addiction

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Written by crackco on September 27th, 2009 with 3 comments.
Read more articles on Crack Cocaine Facts.

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3 comments

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#1. October 1st, 2009, at 1:15 AM.

First, I commend you for doing what the majority of your family wouldn’t do for him. Yes, he is going through a lot, but I believe with you and your husbands’ love and support that he will come around. I would suggest to continue to go to counseling for him….I would also try to introduce him to his schools’ counselor….I think that with time he will become used to his counselor and eventually, he’ll open up. Whatever you do, have patience and put your trust in God. Your cousin will always be greatful to you….you may not see it now, but you will. Also, keep your personal stuff up, and do discipline him for his wrong doings. Best wishes.

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#2. October 2nd, 2009, at 12:43 PM.

I have heard that some children will (I know this sounds crazy) be more willing to talk to a sock puppet than a person. Introduce it as a game. Say to him, “Let’s play a game. You can tell Mr. Socky everything that’s bothering you right now. Go ahead. You won’t get in trouble.” Then he should talk to it. (I’ve seen this in movies.) Or, find someone you know he is comfortable talking to and bring him/her with you to see the counselor. I know I hate talking to a counselor alone. I always bring a trusted friend with me. I talk to my friend and not the counselor, but the counselor will occaisonally interrupt with advice. Try to see if either of this suggestions might work. :)

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#3. October 5th, 2009, at 1:00 AM.

I would say that you keep taking him to the psychologists until he opens up. If you have a good psychologists he will understand the reasons why a 9 year old boy is clamming up. It needs patience time and great sensitivity. I don’t know how this psychologists plays this, but if he is traumatized by what he has been through, him being mute is his way of saying he doesn’t know what he feels he has obviously numbed himself as a child to cope with past events that have happened.
Due to his age I would have thought play or art therapy is more suitable.
It is difficult for emotionally disturbed adults to express themselves let alone a 9yr old boy. You need more specialized help.
His touching little girls makes me think he has either been abused himself, or he has witnessed something sexually that would make him act out in such a way.
I don’t need to tell you how much this little boy needs you right now, I admire you for taking on such an enormous responsibility.
You need the help of social services. I would have thought that rather have another disturbed child to find foster care for they would be bending over backwards to get you the specialized help this little boy needs. You really need to approach them, and lean on them hard, remind them of the alternatives. At the same time I would find out if they have a support group with people in the same or similiar situation as you to help yourself and your husband. You definately need emotional support as well.

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